Why We Broke Up
by Alarming To The Senses
Summary: I want you to know that this was no spur of the moment idea. You know why we broke up, or at least you think you do. Even I don't really know why. But this is why. All of this is why. So read my letters carefully and don't skip a single word. But I know you will Sirius. You always leave out the most important parts. And that's why we broke up. *BASED OFF THE NOVEL BY DANIEL HANDLER
1. Clammy Hands and White Knuckles

**This is a collection of short letters from Sirius' ex girlfriend, Colleen, who is completely fictional and a work of my imagination. This is loosely based off of Daniel Handler's "Why We Broke Up" but does follow the similar format and idea. I've plotted the entire story out in my head and am incredibly pleased. My writing style had developed and improved dramatically and this publishing short stories on is a great way for me to review my current and former writing skills. I do not own anything besides Colleen. Enjoy!**

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Dear Sirius,

We spent so much time holding onto air with clammy hands and white knuckles when we really had no grip at all. We forced our love and it was so goddamn tiring. I was always so goddamn tired. It was so unnecessary. I had spent days curled up under stacks of fleece blankets when I should've been with you, but I was too tired. And that's one shitty excuse, but it was the truth. Loving you was both physically and emotionally draining. Love isn't supposed to be this hard. Loving you isn't supposed to be this hard. And that's why we broke up.

Always and forever,

Colleen


	2. Never In A Million Years

**This is a collection of short letters from Sirius' ex girlfriend, Colleen, who is completely fictional and a work of my imagination. This is loosely based off of Daniel Handler's "Why We Broke Up" but does follow the similar format and idea. I've plotted the entire story out in my head and am incredibly pleased. My writing style had developed and improved dramatically and this publishing short stories on is a great way for me to review my current and former writing skills. I do not own anything besides Colleen. Enjoy!**

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Dear Sirius,

I still don't like quidditch. I still have no idea what's going on. The matches are about an hour long. In the three years we've dated, I attended 21 quidditch matches. I spent 21 matched, 21 hours with locked knees, heavy eyelids, and unfinished homework. 21 hours spent with cheering fans surrounding me. 21 hours spent completely lost and out of place. I was a loyal girlfriend, I was and I'm proud to say that. I spent 21 hours watching you play. I spent a total of 33 hours watching quidditch without you.

When you first asked me out, all my friends laughed in my face. I laughed too. We were friends, but we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. Never in a million years, I thought. I still said yes though. I could never turn down free food. It's just illogical.

I assumed we were going to Hogsmeade and maybe things could've turned out differently.

I would've learned that your favorite band was the Wanderers. You would've learned that mine were Sioux Queue. You would've learned that I was a vegetarian and that I drink hot chocolate with a straw. You would've learned that we were two completely different people with no common interests. There was nothing that could've kept us going. We could've stopped right there and never encouraged your small crush. But we didn't.

Instead you took me to quidditch match and paid more attention to the game than to me. And that's why we broke up.

So take back this stupid quidditch book that I promised to read with our quidditch tickets bookmarked on the first page. It takes up enough room on my shelf. Sort of like you.

Always and forever,

Colleen


	3. Omen of a Flag

**This is a collection of short letters from Sirius' ex girlfriend, Colleen, who is completely fictional and a work of my imagination. This is loosely based off of Daniel Handler's "Why We Broke Up" but does follow the similar format and idea. I've plotted the entire story out in my head and am incredibly pleased. My writing style had developed and improved dramatically and this publishing short stories on is a great way for me to review my current and former writing skills. I do not own anything besides Colleen. Enjoy!**

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Dear Sirius,

Our second date was perfect though. You took me to the lake with bare hands. We didn't have any food, no wands, nothing. It was so normal. I felt normal. We talked until dark and I never stopped to catch my breath, scared the day would end too soon.

I was head over heels at this point. We were two brings made for each other and nothing and no one could convince me otherwise.

Not Remus or Lily or James. Not even you, Sirius.

Not even all of the red flags that paraded throughout our relationship.

So take the red flag, the goddamn omen of a the English National quidditch team back. Take that goddamn flag that kept me warm when your leather jacket wasn't enough. But maybe you weren't enough. And I failed to realize that so many times, oblivious to the fucking poison in my drink or the goddamn branch in my eye. So I'm sorry, that was all me. And that's why we broke up.

Always and forever,

Colleen


	4. Your Number One Priority

**This is a collection of short letters from Sirius' ex girlfriend, Colleen, who is completely fictional and a work of my imagination. This is loosely based off of Daniel Handler's "Why We Broke Up" but does follow the similar format and idea. I've plotted the entire story out in my head and am incredibly pleased. My writing style had developed and improved dramatically and this publishing short stories on is a great way for me to review my current and former writing skills. I do not own anything besides Colleen. Enjoy!**

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Dear Sirius,

May third was our six month anniversary. I didn't you think remembered, I didn't expect you to remember. Lily decided to dress me up pretty that day. She curled my hair with these muggle rollers that kept stabbing me in my sleep. She let me wear a dress underneath my robes, I felt so pretty and stunning. I grinned all the way downstairs like a princess awaiting her prince, imagining the look on your face when you saw me. I imagined the way your grey eyes would light up so bright, I'd have to turn away. You always waited for me in the mornings. We always ate breakfast together, even before we started dating.

It was just something we always did. You, Remus, James, Peter, sometimes Lily, and I.

But today you slept in. Today, out of all days, you decide to sleep in. I didn't care. You slept in a bunch. I'm pretty sure your tardiness isn't exactly a surprise to the teachers anymore. School wasn't exactly your number one priority and it was also a Monday. You hated Mondays. It's just that you always told me somehow or explained or just fucking talked to me. But you didn't. Not that day and you never made up for it either. Lily kept sending me nervous looks the entire day, but I just told her that you had something special planned. But I knew you didn't. I saved your arse. Lily would have gone mad.

"So did your Siri-poo do anything special?" Lily asked me, pinching my already flushed cheeks.

I rolled my eyes at her, "you think so low of him. He's not completely brain dead."

"I would have never noticed." She joked and I slapped her shoulder, but let's face it Sirius, there's not much going on up there. "But really, Colleen, what'd he do? Did he scatter rose petals all over your bed? Did he-"

"It's a six month anniversary, Lil, not a honeymoon."

"And they say romance is dead," she smirked at me.

"He's got something planned. I overheard him and Peter talking. He sounds pretty excited. I am too. No details yet, and no details to come. This is between Sirius and I not you and all the other girls in our dorm, you hear?"

"You know I'll find out somehow." She pointed her finger accusingly at me, but she wouldn't. Because none of it was true.

You didn't remember our sixth month anniversary and I didn't expect you to, I just wanted to see you, to see that it was worth saving, that our relationship meant something to you. Did it ever?

So here's the fucking homework assignments you missed that were stuck under ruddy notes with doodles resembling hieroglyphics because that was the start of a series of days where I hadn't seen your face. I don't think you would've completed them anyways. They just cluttered my desk and I was so sick of seeing them. So take it and I hope you're just as lost and confused as I was when I actually did it. School wasn't your number one priority, but neither was I. I wasn't your first or your second or even your bloody third because I didn't even make the list. And that, Sirius, is why we broke up.

Always and forever,

Colleen


	5. More Than Just a Scratch

**This is a collection of short letters from Sirius' ex girlfriend, Colleen, who is completely fictional and a work of my imagination. This is loosely based off of Daniel Handler's "Why We Broke Up" but does follow the similar format and idea. I've plotted the entire story out in my head and am incredibly pleased. My writing style had developed and improved dramatically and this publishing short stories on is a great way for me to review my current and former writing skills. I do not own anything besides Colleen. Enjoy!**

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Dear Sirius,

I'm surprised it took those girls so long. The ones in your fan club, I mean. Maybe it was because they never caught me alone, because that's exactly what they did. That's exactly what SHE did. Freya Adams is drop dead gorgeous. All the girls know it and all the boys know it. If it weren't for her obsessive clinginess and OCD tendencies, all the guys at this school would be all over her. Even you Sirius. If you hadn't already. I knew she was your go to girl. Both of you had this unspoken agreement. I knew you guys were fuck buddies. She was an easy lay. I get that, but what I don't get is why. Despite her constant gravitational pull towards trouble, she's an honest to god, down to earth girl. You took advantage of her willingness, her vulnerability. It got me thinking, did you do the same with me?

Did you look at me and think I'd be a good fuck? That maybe it was time. We had been friends for years, but now that I grew an ass and tits, did you start looking at me differently? Did you even start looking at me? Were you even looking at me? Or was I just another pair of tits and an ass to you that could make you laugh?

Because apparently that's all Freya was to you. So was I just another girl? You know what? I don't care anymore. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. We're broken up, I don't care. It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. We're broken up, I don't care. I shouldn't care, and I don't. It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. I never cared. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. We're broken up, I don't care. I never cared. It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. We're broken up, I don't care. It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. We're broken up, I don't care. It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. We're broken up, I don't care. It doesn't matter.

But I do. I really do care because you were the first boy I ever loved, the first boy that ever made me feel like a real woman.

But that's beside the fucking point. Freya Adams, sweet Freya Adams whom you used to toy with had the fucking nerve.

You know that scar right above my eyebrow? That's the shape of Freya's fingernail, which I plucked out myself.

Or maybe you've never seen it, maybe you never noticed it. But I did. I see it. I see it every morning when I get ready for school. "Good morning, Colleen," it says. And every night when I get ready for bed. "Sleep tight."

But it's more than just a scratch. It's a punch in the stomach and a slap in the face. It's a knife in my back because everything was piling up and she swung at the worst possible moment.

But she didn't leave behind just a scar. She left behind this, a tube of pomegranate scented lipstick, her signature scent. The same scent that lingers around boys with lipstick stains on their necks. The same scent I smelled on you a thousand times before. So here, you can still breathe her in even when she's not around, and I know you will. And that's why we broke up.

Always and forever,

Colleen


End file.
